Coming to terms with the fact that you are in a controlling relationship is never easy to do. More often than not, the controlled partner tends to make excuses for their controlling counterpart and is well and truly blind to their faults.

But if your partner is telling you what to do, when to do it and how to live your life in general – that is a step too far.

Anyway, now that you’ve acknowledged that you are in a controlling relationship, you’ve already taken the first step. And from here, the next step is to…

~Stop Making Excuses on Their Behalf~

Part of the reason why your controlling relationship has probably ended up going on far longer than it should have is because you let it.

By making up excuses on their behalf, apologizing and defending their behavior, and also somehow convincing yourself that it was your fault some of the time – you’ve let them get away with too much already.

So what you need to do now is to stop yourself from making excuses on their behalf.

~Seek Support and Help~

One of the hallmarks of a controlling partner is they seek to isolate you from your family, friends and loved ones.

This can happen through a variety of ways, including making fun of them, picking fights with them, or even just forbidding you from spending time with them. If your relationship has gone on for long, chances are you’ve already started being isolated in some ways.

Now that you want to take action and break this dangerous cycle though – you’re going to need support.

If you have no other choice, you can do it alone, but it will be that much easier if you have help. Fair enough, you might not need anyone to hold your hand – but having people there who you can talk to, gain encouragement from, and just feel loved with will help you to realize that you had a life before this relationship, and can have one again after.

Assuming that isn’t enough and you really need professional help to sort through the mix of emotions that are raging through you – talk to a psychologist or a counselor.

Keep in mind that your controlling partner is probably going to be very resistant to these efforts.

~Calmly Confront Your Partner~

Bear in mind, this confrontation need not be face to face. If you feel that your partner has violent tendencies or that there is really no saving the relationship anyway it is probably best to have this confrontation over the phone, or leave a note.

On the other hand, if you’re still holding on to the hope that your partner can change, you cannot afford to let that emotion overwhelm you. Right now, you need to be calm and collected when you confront your partner.

And when you do – be brief and straight to the point.

Do not get personal, do not accuse them, and try not to get angry no matter what they do. Let them know that you feel your relationship is toxic and that they are being controlling. If you like, you can give examples of how and why you feel that way.

Chances are, your partner will respond either by getting angry and accusatory, or by being defensive. Eventually, your partner may even break down and promise to change.

Although this may be the outcome you hoped for – you need to be skeptical. Promising to change is one thing; actually doing it is something else. While you might want to be compassionate and forgive them, you need to make certain that they mean it.

If possible, get them to agree to see a relationship counselor or psychologist. Do not take no for an answer.

~Know When It is Over~

No matter what, you need to know when your relationship is over. If you’ve given them one chance to change and nothing really has – you should force yourself to come to grips with the fact that nothing ever will change.

It might not be your partner’s fault entirely. Deep down, there might be a good person somewhere in them. Perhaps they became controlling because of childhood issues, past relationships, or something else entirely.

Whatever the case though – that cannot be your main concern.

At the risk of being selfish, you need to focus on your life first and recognize the fact that if your partner really and truly meant to and was able to change – they would have already.

When you know that your relationship really is over – act decisively. Let your partner know, leave at once, and stay away. It will be a tough time emotionally, but you will be a lot better for it in the long run.