Having Trust Issues? Learn How to Build Trust In A Relationship

Everyone knows that a relationship needs solid trust in order to really thrive. It’s no secret that the best relationships are the ones built on strong trust, love, and communication.

It’s sad to say that a lot of people in relationships deal with trust issues and I mean ALOT. It’s no wonder trust issues is among the top most common relationship problems out there.

So, lets try to tackle the issue of trust in relationships. In this article, we will be talking a little about the signs of trust issues, causes of trust issues, how to build trust, and how to rebuild trust.

~Signs of Trust Issues In a Relationship~

There are quite a few signs that show that there may be trust issues present in a relationship. If you or your partner fit these situations, there could be some trust issues in your relationship.

* You are always checking your partners emails and cell phone history and wanting to know who they are communicating with.

*You are overly jealousy sometimes to the point where it gets out of hand. Tantrums, bad arguments, and even violence may occur as a result.

* You play detective and want to know everything about what your partner is doing, where they are at, who they are with, and the whole nine yards.

* You doubt your partner and don’t really believe in them. You second guess your partner actions and feel that something is suspicious about them.

~Causes of Trust Issues In a Relationship~

Trust issues can be caused by many different things. In relationships, trust issues usually come about as a result of…

• Being Cheated On In The Past
• Having a Low Self Esteem and Feeling Insecure
• Loss of Trust In the Current Relationship

These are among the top causes of trust issues in a relationship but there are more. People, their life experiences, and their relationships are different so there could be other things that could cause them to not trust in the one they are with.

No matter what the cause, it is very important to identify it and address it because it is vital when trying build or rebuild trust.

How to Build Trust In Relationships

Before you actually work on building trust in your relationship, you need to talk about your trust issues and find out the answers to some questions. First of all, you need to know who in the relationship has the trust issues. It may just be them or it could be you. It may be both.

Ask yourself if you can be trusted.  Ask yourself do you really trust your partner. Ask your partner if they trust you. Ask your partner if they think they are trustworthy themselves. Make sure you and your partner’s answers are truthful and that you really get everything out on the table about trust.

Now once you know the honest answers to these questions, take it a step further and find out the reason behind them. If your partner doesn’t trust you, find out why. If you don’t trust your partner, tell them why you don’t trust them. If you don’t feel that you are trustworthy, find out the reason why and the same for your partner. You both need to clearly know and understand the reasoning behind this lack of trust.

At this point, you need to evaluate everything you have learned so far and think about where you want the relationship to go. Do you both want to resolve these trust issues? Do you both think you can help each other build trust in the relationship? Are you both ready to let go of the past and finally address and resolve whatever it may be that is causing the trust issues?

If so, you both can finally try to work on building trust in the relationship. Know that it will take time. When it comes to trust, it has to be earned and it isn’t something that can be earned overnight. So, lets take a look at the things you both can do to build trust in your relationship.

Be Honest

If your partner asks you how you feel on a certain matter, be honest and tell them the truth. Even if the truth may hurt your partner, you still need to be honest with them. They will grow to respect you for your honesty and eventually trust you more.

You should also try to avoid even the smallest lies because your partner may catch you lying and wonder what other stuff you may be lying about which brings about the trust issues.

Keep Your Promises

If you promised your partner you would take them out to dinner that Friday, make sure you take your partner to dinner that Friday. You should try to keep all promises you make whether big or small. If you feel that you may not be able to keep a promise, don’t make it.

It’s better to not make a promise than to make one and then break one. If you end up breaking a promise, explain why as soon as possible and make sure they understand the reason behind this broken promise.

Say What You Truly Mean

What you say should match your actions and body language. If your partner asks you how you feel and you respond with “I’m feeling fine” and your body language or actions isn’t backing that statement up, they will have a hard time believing what you tell them and there goes that lack of trust.

Don’t Keep Secrets

Hiding things from your partner is never a good idea in my opinion. It is often troublesome when you keep secrets and even more troublesome dealing with the consquences of keeping them once they are exposed.

When you are trying to build trust, you should not keep secrets from your partner. Be open and put everything on the table – that is the most important stuff at the least.

Set Some Boundaries

One thing that really threatens trust is jealousy. In order to avoid those jealous moments partners can get, it is a good idea to set some boundaries in the relationship.

You and your partner should discuss what behavior is acceptable and what is not and you both should acknowledge them and make sure not to cross those boundaries. It really does help with the trust issues.

Be Predictable

Even though you might want to throw in a few surprises for your partner or try to change things to spice up the relationship, if you are having trust issues, you would want to be predictable rather than them not knowing what to expect from you.

Just think about it? When do people start getting suspicious or wonder what is up with their partner? When they start doing things that they don’t normally do. That’s why you should be predictable. Being predictable builds trust and also lets your partner know what to expect from you which contributes to being reliable.

If things do start to get unpredictable, make sure you let your partner know about your changes and explain to them the reasons behind them.

Establish Open Communication

Communication will always be important in relationships. Good, open communication helps in so many different areas and improves trust and your overall relationship.

I have written an article which gives some tips on how to communicate effectively in relationships that you can read here if communication is also an issue for you.

Believe in Your Partner & Their Capabilities

If you don’t believe in your partner or their capabilities, this can cause trust issues in the relationship. You need to be able to believe in them and what they are capable of doing and handling. If there is an area or issue that you are concerned about, make sure to discuss this with them and work through whatever issue or concern it may be.

Express your needs

When you tell your partner about your needs, wants, and desires, this will let them know what you want without them having to guess. It brings you both closer and establishes understanding and trust.

Be open

Not only do you need to show your true self to your partner but you need to be open with them and avoid putting a wall up. Your partner should feel like they really know you and that you are not holding yourself back from them.

Keep Their Secrets

Your partner may share some very private information with you or in other words, things that they might not want others outside the relationship to know. If they tell you something in confidence, make sure that you keep that information confidential.

Don’t go telling their secrets unless they give you permission. If they see that they can tell you anything and don’t have to worry about anyone else knowing that doesn’t supposed to, that will help towards building trust in the relationship.

Work on Yourself

Sometimes trust issues come about in relationships because one person had past experiences with trust issues which carries into the new relationship. If you have trust issues that stemmed from something that happened to you in the past, you need to deal with that in order to avoid trust issues in your new relationship.

It isn’t fair to your partner that they are not being trusted because of something that happened to you in the past. This may sound harsh but you need to work out your trust issues and give your partner a chance to gain your trust if you want your relationship to work and grow.

It may take time but as long as you try to work on it, let your partner know your situation, and actually allow your partner to gain your trust and vice versa, things can and will work out for the better.

How to Rebuild Trust

Rebuilding trust is a lot harder than building trust. It can already be a hard time just to build trust. Once that trust is built and established and then broken, well, the chances of getting that trust rebuilt again is very small.

Even though a lot of people say that once trust is broken after being built, it can’t be rebuilt, there is still a possibility that it can indeed be rebuilt. You will need time, effort, patience, commitment, love, honesty, and forgiveness for it to be possible though.

If you are trying to rebuild trust in your relationship, you should follow the tips mentioned earlier on how to build trust and do the things you did to gain their trust in the first place. Here are a few more things that are necessary to do in order to rebuild trust.

* Let go of the past. Whatever that happened that caused the trust to be broken should be left in the past when you decide to try to rebuild the trust and make things work again. This may be hard to do but it is necessary in order to move forward.

* Make the decision to be forgiven or to forgive.

* Set some goals for getting your relationship on the right path.

* The person who got their trust broken needs to share that pain. The other partner needs to acknowledge the pain caused by their actions.

* Take responsibility for your own actions and decisions.

* Be prepared to honestly answer any questions that may come about in regards to the event that led to the broken trust.

* If you think you could use a third opinion, get some sort of counseling to help you both with the hard task of rebuilding trust.