You may be in a relationship currently and debating on whether to stay or go. You may be asking yourself “Should I stay in this relationship?” or “Should I just leave?”. Now, when making these types of decisions, there is a lot of things that need to be considered.
I actually wrote an article about this called “Questions to Ask Before Ending a Relationship“. The article basically listed some questions that you would want to ask yourself or think about before making up your mind on whether to stay in the relationship or leave it. Asking those questions and learning the answers can help you better decide what is right for you and the relationship.
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Aside from that, I also learned of a good exercise that you could do that can help you decide whether to stay or go. I learned about this technique from watching a movie entitled “Why Did I Get Married”. It could have been the first movie or the second movie but I clearly remember the technique that was outlined with one of the couples that was on the verge of getting a divorce.
What they did was drew a line down in the middle of a piece of paper and on one side they wrote about the good qualities of their significant other and about the good things in the marriage. On the other side, they wrote about the bad things. After writing everything down, they would look at the paper and see if the good outweighs the bad.
This may be a good thing for you and your partner to do if you two are in a bad spot in the relationship. It can really open up your eyes to see the big picture and it lets you think about things both good and bad to where you can look at these things and see whether the good outweighs the bad.
So, if you are trying to decide whether to stay or go, try doing this and see what your list looks like and try to get your significant other to do the same thing. You may be surprised at the results.
If you are still unsure, tell us about your situation at our forum or just check out Should You Stay or Should You GO. The book is written by relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins and is filled with hundreds powerful questions and insights that will help you make that difficult relationship decision.
If you are considering whether to stay in or leave your present relationship, we feel this book will help you come to a more clear, conscious choice about whether to stay in or leave your relationship.
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my name is ashley. im 20 years old and ive been wtih my boyfriend for almost 2 and a half years. i was still in my senior year of high school when we started dating. we’ve practically been glued at the hip. we’ve lived together the whole time basically. we now live at his parents house. he doesnt have a job. he hasn’t had a job for almost a year. he’s also 20. im payin double to stay at his parents while he pays nothing. i support him and his family basically. he stays at home and plays his xbox all night and sleeps all day. i do all of our laundry and cleaning, i buy him food, ive bought him really expensive games and movies. i feel like im being used by him and his family. i’ve told him he needs to get a job and help me out because i cant even make it from paycheck to paycheck anymore. but whenever i try to talk to him about it he tells me im just b******g. but im really tired of it and stressed out. i dont feel like he loves me anymore and im questioning if i really love him. my heart hurts to even think about this so please someone help me. we fight every single day if not once a day 10 times a day. i cant take it im not happy. what should i do??
Hi Ashley, sorry that you are going through this. By what you have stated, it does seem like you are getting taken advantage of. A relationship is 50/50 and if you are doing everything, that is not a relationship. You should be supporting each other and not just one doing the supporting. I see that you have tried to communicate your feelings to him and he just brushed them aside.
This is not a good thing and you shouldn’t continue to allow yourself to get done in this manner. If he has heard what you had to say and hasn’t done anything to show that he cares and can try to make things work, you may be better off leaving him. After all, you can’t force anyone to change. They have to be willing to do it on their own.
Also, you seem clearly unhappy and losing the love you have for him. You deserve better than this. It is hard to let go when you have been in a relationship for that long – I’ve been there too – but in the end, you have to do what is best for you. Maybe that will catch his attention and get him to change. As you may have heard, a lot of people don’t realize what they have until it is gone and many end up trying to change for the better to get what they lost back. Hopefully he can realize your unhappiness and try to change before you end up really leaving him though. I wish you luck and happiness.
Hi I need some guildence with me relationship ..I’m 23 he’s 26 we have been dating for 6 years. I could say the first 3 year were probably the best but now we fight almost every day. I feel like he has no time for me in his life. Lately I’ve been going to bed alone either he is still up playing games or he’s out.and he sleeps in late.. I’m becoming depressed from this kind of treatment if u put me and gambling on the table he will always choose gambling we never do anything with just us 2.
Is it wrong for me to think dating for this long my bf would know what I like and do like . Also I’ve tried to sit down with him and tell him what is bothering me and why I’ve been so unhappy but everytime we talk about our problems he says I’m picking a fight . I feel like everytime we have a argument it never gets solved and it just keeps building and then next fight justbrings back the last .. I can say I’m in tears more then smiles even our friends say they can see that we fight a lot
There seems to be a major communication problem here. If the communication gets straightened out and he actually takes the time to communicate with you properly, you may not have so many problems. Here are two articles I think you and him both should read.
http://relationshipdisaster.com/2011/03/communication-in-relationships-the-problems-the-solutions/
http://relationshipdisaster.com/2011/04/how-to-stop-arguments-from-ruining-your-relationship/
Hey Ashley
So I feel like people telling you if you should leave or don’t leave is not what will help you. Trust me, I am in the same vote here as you. Ask yourself some simple questions, What do you get out of the relationship? Are almost or more than 50% of my needs being met? Even if you still love him, you can leave and work things out. Just because you still love him does not give a good enough reason to stay. That is what I had to found out the hard way, I still love him but I was in torture being in this relationship. I never had any needs met either. Maybe this help. I wish you the best
Jessica gave some really good advice. We can’t tell you if you should leave or stay as we are not in the relationship. We can offer advice or our opinions but it is up to you and what you feel about your relationship that is important when making your decision.
I could use some advice myself. I am a 26 year old male living with a 24 female with a 3 year old daughter. She is the first relationship I have lived in with. I recently graduated college and have aspirations to go onto graduate school soon. I have to commute quite a ways to school everyday considering our living situation. She can’t move very far because of the custody agreement with the ex-husband. It seems that since we moved in together our relationship has been very up and down, at least with me. I have conflicting thoughts constantly about us. When something bad happens in the relationship, it becomes catastrophic to me – a game breaker. For instance, lately we are have sexual issues. She works very hard to take care of herself and her daughter and even me sometimes (I do pay my portion for this) and I work hard trying to better myself and my career options. Both of us are stressed, we fight a lot. Our relationship just doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I have thoughts of impending doom that we are bound to be like this forever: stressed, overworked, and constantly wondering if the person we are with is really the one for us. I have been questioning whether or not I want to leave; but I just can’t bring myself to do it and instead I take it out on her (not harmfully). I just wish I could answer my question of staying or leaving and give a legitimate reason as to why. I’m so confused, and I am sure she is as well. Any suggestions?
I see quite a few problems in your relationship and potential problems that could come about further down the line. First of all, it seems that the relationship is being neglected or getting to that point. From what you said, it seems like the both of you are focusing more on work and kids instead of your relationship. Of course these are important and they should be paid attention to but when you are in a relationship, you both have to deal with work and the kids while maintaining a healthy relationship between the two of you. This might mean one or the other or even both may have to compromise.
The only legitimate reason to stay in a relationship that is having problems is because you truly care about and love the person that you are with and are willing to work hard on the relationship to get past those problems. The same goes for her. If you both feel the same way, you need to sit down together and have a long and serious discussion about the true feelings of both of you. You tell her how you feel. She will then tell you how she really feels.
Once everything is out in the open, you will have a better understanding of what is really going on. Quite frankly, it just seems like there is not enough time being spent between the two because you both are allowing work and the child to interfere with the relationship. I’m pretty sure if you both dealt with less stress and actually got to spend more time with each other, things would get better.
Communicate your feelings, work on the “root causes” of the problems, reduce some of that stress the best way possible, and try to meet eye to eye on things. What is it that you and your girlfriend argue about the most? That will give me something better to go on when giving advice.
First, thank you for all useful articles in your website, it is really work.
Also please accept my apology because my English is not well and I hope you got what I asking for.
I am 28 years single girl, I am in relationship since 2 month ago with a 35 years old man who is already divorced (4-5 years ago).
I like him and we have very great time together, when his friends see us together, they all was surprised by his attitude with me and they said he is really good with you …. it is the first time that we see he behaves like this with a girl…
I am looking very good (thanks God for this blessing), his friends applause my beauty and good behavior all the time and he is very proud of it.
As I mentioned in above we are really good together and when we are together during weekends, he behaves like he want very intimate and warm relationship with me but during a day he just calls me 1 time at the end of day (11-12pm)!!! I can’t realize what does it mean really!!! First he behaves like he wants series relationship with me and then when we are alone he just call me once time in a day or sometime one time during 2 days….
I am confused what I have to do! I feel good with him and also can not tolerate this kind of behavior..
He is a business man and his friend told me it is because he is very busy (it is not reasonable for me) and it is his manner, if he call you 1 time in a day, it means he likes you too much…. Anyhow, he is in business trip right now and we will meet after 2 weeks, I want to do something right and clear my situation in the relationship without losing my time and avoiding of hurting…
I just want to understand that, is this relationship worth to staying in it?
Please help me, what I have to do when I saw him? Shall I tell him I’d like he call me during day and care more? Or I have to understand something else, first? I don’t know he worth that much I have asking something like this!
I am really confused and can cont understand why he behaves like this!!
Thank you in advance for your kind consideration.
Look forward to hearing from you.
Hi Shery, thanks for your comments. From what I read, it may be that he is really busy. During the weekend and late hours, he does pay attention to you – which I am guessing is when he is off from work. However, you never really know and I don’t really have that much information to go on to determine if you may be just a fling or if he truly cares for you but does not have enough time to really show it because of his line of work.
What I recommend you do is to communicate how you feel to him. Communication is key and if you talk to him about it and tell him that you would like for him to call you more to show that he really have you in mind and that he truly wants to spend time with you and so on, he may start doing just that.
If he makes a way for you two to be together more often after you have told him how you feel and he calls you more, then I think he really wants to make things work with you. If he makes up some lame excuse, dodges the question, doesn’t take your feelings seriously, or just doesn’t do anything to make things change for the better between you and him, there may be something going on that you don’t know about.
Quite frankly, if he can’t compromise and make you feel like you are the one for him after you have told him how you felt, you may be better off without him. I think that communication is the biggest issue in the relationship right now. So, go ahead and communicate with him and see what happens. Wishing everything turns out great for you.
thank u very much for ur kind answer and attention, u make me realy happy, tnx again
I’ll do ur advce when he comeback, hope it work for me. Sincerely yours
Hey there first of all i’ll thank you for the really superb advices that you have given it helped a lot.
I am a 19 year old boy having a relationship with with a 19 year old female, at first it looked like nothing could be better than this but now its just not so. The matter is that she wants me to tell her whatever i do and wherever i go or even want to go, so that she can tell me what to do and what not to. Whether i am willing or not doesn’t matter to her at all.
She also doesn’t want me to talk to any of my other female friends just because she thinks or knows that my friends once wanted to be in a relationship with me.
So plz tell me what to do . I really want her in my life.
Hi Abhi, your girlfriend seems not to trust you. If she trusted you, she wouldn’t want to know where you are at and who you are with all of the time. I don’t know why she doesn’t trust you but you should get to the bottom of this. It also seems that she is a bit controlling. I believe if she trusted you more and toned down that controlling behavior, you both could make it work.
Give her reasons to trust you and show her that you can be trusted. If she wants to know where you are, tell her. Nothing bad will happen if you are indeed somewhere that isn’t suspicious. I suggest you talk with her and use the tips mentioned in the article I wrote about trust. She has some areas she probably needs to work on too so see if she is willing to better the relationship by doing things that are healthy for the relationship.
Hi,
Ive been secretly married for 2 years now and with the guy for three in total. ive always been open and honest with him. his dad passed away last year and ever since then he has been taking his frustration out on our relationship. facebook created a lot of drama and distance between us. he had facebook and i had told him that id like to be added simply because all my friends have ther partners added, and i feel like such a loser because he doesnt have me added and is on facebook. he made excuses and told me that his cousin was going to start drama and then he told me he deactivated it, which was a lie. i found out by making another account. im 25 years old and i know what i want. i want a partner and not a follower or a leader. i want a man who can open up to me and tell me whats going on and bring out the best in me. this man only complains about how things dont work out for him. and accuses me when things go wrong. he hasnt touched me in over a year and a half. and when i brought that up, he replied that im basically a sex addict. i can cry my eyes out in front of him and it doesnt matter to him. i dont know why im in this position. i could divorce him and move on, and no one would even know that anything even happened. he can go days without calling me. what do you think i should do? i feel like he is taking an advantage of me and doesnt really love me. i feel he thinks he lvoes me but he really doesnt even know what love is. advice please?
and im 25 and he is 28, although he acts like he is 2.
Why is it that you both are secretly married in the first place? That sounds odd. My first impression when I read that was a double life. I hope I am wrong but it sounds like this secrecy and not wanting others to know about your marriage is a way to keep you two from the light of someone else he is going with or someone who is very important to him. You know what you want but does he know what you want? I’m pretty sure you have told him your needs though. If I were you, I would divorce him. It is clear that you are unhappy and he isn’t willing to work with you to make things better.
If you don’t want to go through with a divorce, because it is something major, see if he could get some counseling or try to change to make the marriage work or check out my marriage articles. Honestly though, it doesn’t seem like it will be healthy if you two were to continue with things remaining like you have told me.
hi, this is shery again, he came back and we had 2 great and sweet nights together but after those warm nights and his lovely behavior, I broke up with him
…. because on weekend we talked on phone at 10.30pm and I felt he wants to go out so I asked him and he told me yes he wants to go to a party along his younger brother (who is living in Australia and comes back to country this week) …. then I felt very bad, sent him some text and show him that I don’t like this behavior but he acts like he doesn’t get what I mean and just send me kisses and … so I texted him “it s not my style, I loved the time that we had together, tc and be happy in ur life forever… and he didn’t answer to my text…, I don’t really understand why he behaves likes he likes me very much and then goes to party alone?!! It doesn’t make any sense…. maybe he is really crazy or very good actor (but I think his feeling s with me was honestly… that s why I am confused ) would you please help me to understand that I made a good decision, did I show a right reaction? Then I will feel better, because as I already mentioned I liked this relationship and we were very happy …
If he call me again what I have to do?, tell him that what I expect of my relationship (I mean communicate the key that you already told me that unfortunately I didn’t find the good time to do it :- (. ) or with this descriptions it is just wasting my time!!
I’m not really getting your message as some of it is hard to break down. Why did he make you feel bad again? Also, I see he contacts you a lot at night. Does he contact you in the daytime as well? How much time do you spend with him on a daily basis? Honestly, if you are unhappy and he is not making you happy AFTER the fact that you communicated your desires and wants, you probably made the right decision to leave him.
hii.. i hav been in a rltnshp for 3 years..my boyfrnd is quite stupid.. he breaks up evry month wid me..den again comes back..i dun undrstnd wat is he really trying 2 do.. 4 months back we had our break up and now m dating another guy and he luvs me bt still m not able to trust him ..but now my EX is back again.. he wants me back.. i dont understand wat shud i do…plzzzz helppp
if i was in your shoes i would tell him to make up his mind. if he says no then get rid of him
I agree with Ashley. He needs to make up his mind. If he wants to be with you, he should be with you. Instead of breaking up every time something goes wrong, you both need to try to make things work and get past your problems without breaking up. Those off and on relationships are not healthy. The other issue I see here is that you are currently dating someone who you don’t trust although you say he loves you.
So, you are not sure if you want to stick with the guy you are with or go back with your ex. You also need to make up your mind and decide what is going to make you happy most. It is not that fair that you are with someone who loves you but you start to second guess everything when your ex says he wants you back. Maybe you never really got over your ex. I am not too sure but do what makes you happy and choose the guy who you think will love you and share a healthy, stable relationship with you.
Hi my name is Molly,
I am 25 years old and I have been aquanted with this guy for.exactly 4 1/2 years. He is.also 25. We are great together . We have.done so much.together n have a great history. I love him without any doubts. He.recently moved and In a.course of two months I have flown to c him 4 times already, he came.Home n pretty much.did not fool with me . Which really hurt my feelings.but.quickly got.over it. When I bring up commitment or.anything dealing with being serious he says.we are not there yet . I feel like since he has a lot going.for himself and he is young enjoying life is not ready for a commitment but I am . When I’ve tried to leave him alone on several.occasions he.always found his way back but always manage to.dissapoint me all over again..he tells me he cares.a lot for me but.his.actions says.other. just feel like.its.not.enough.anymore. at first.I.use to think he would change. But nope.feels like his feelings for me has reversed instead I didn’t want to let go bc we have.a.long history and since he no longer live in the same state its hard to let go bc ill never c him again.I.don’t.think.he cares but he says I.over exaggerate things but this.is.how.I feel ,.how can I handle this.situation without hurting myself in the long run.
You’ve been acquainted with this guy for 4 and half years and he doesn’t want to get serious or commit to a relationship? If that much time has passed by and you both have history but nothing has come out of it as far a being in a serious relationship, there isn’t too much you can hope for. You could wait around until he is ready for commitment but don’t you think you have waited long enough? You could have found someone that would make a commitment with you during some of that time. If you don’t want to hurt yourself in the long run, just stay friends with the guy and move on with your life.
I know this is easier said than done but he lives in another state and you said he doesn’t act like he cares so it may be better to move on and find someone that can truly make you happy. Even though you have history with this guy, you are still young and you can create wonderful history with someone else that will make you happy. Wish you best of luck with your decision.
I am in need of relationship advice. My boyfriend and I have been together 6 years. For 5 of those years we were long distance while I was in college and he was pursuing his career. We have lived together almost 7 months now. I moved away from my home to be with him and I hold a little bit of a grudge because of it. I had an amazing job I loved, my family, and all my friends there, and I left it all behind for him. Now that we live together I often feel a little used. I’m always picking up after him, cleaning, doing his laundry and making dinner. His only “chore” is taking out trash, only after I’ve asked several times. He refuses to help with any other chores. I try to ask him to help pick things up when I have to work but he makes excuses that he doesn’t feel well or is too hungover. He has always been one to drink, but since our relationship has gotten rocky he drinks more because he is sad and I’m gone at work at night time.
Then there is finances. I make quite a bit more money than he does because he is an artist and has been having trouble getting consistent work. I do not mind paying the majority of rent, utilities and food because I make so much more. However he always talks about wanting to go on vacation. He gets upset when I tell him no that we don’t have the money right now. My savings account is dwindling down after moving and now I’m paying quite a bit more for living expenses than I was paying back home. Sometimes I just feel like he uses me for my money. He talks about these vacations very frequently. After me telling him no for about a month he gets upset and says I’m no fun anymore.
We also have communication issues and intimacy issues on top of this. I often feel like when I talk to him he doesn’t understand where I’m coming from, so I tend to say little to nothing and bottle up all my frustrations. Our relationship is so rocky right now and he keeps asking me what’s the deal with us. I don’t know what to do. We both love each other dearly and are great friends but lately we’re more like roommates than a couple. We have been having intimacy issues for quite awhile now. Ever since college I have not been as fit. However I am still very thin, but am no longer tone like I used to be. He wants me to go to the gym and tone up, he’s been pushing the issue for probably 2 years. I will start to go but it’s not a priority to me so I don’t stick with it. Because of this he says he isn’t attracted to me and does not want to be intimate with me. The sad thing is that doesn’t even bother me because I rarely think about sex. Like I said we are more like roommates than a couple. I go back and forth about our relationship. An outsiders perspective would be helpful.
Hi,
I really need some advice on my relationship here.
I’ve been struggling since the past few months, washing my face with tears every now and then. I think it’s time to figure things out.
I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for like 6 months from now. I wasn’t in love with him when we 1st started, until very touching 1st Valentine Day we celebrated. I was so deeply in love since then.
We were like normal couple sticking around and everything was really sweet. One day, we went to a fight, and all of a sudden he decided to break up, for no reason. But i insisted, I wanted us to be together. I did my best to keep this relationship. I did whatever I could. We are still in it. But under contract. I am still a student in my final year, and I asked to remain in the relationship so that it wont affect my studies in any ways. So our “contract” (my excuses to keep him with me) ends end of august. He told me he never had fallen in love in me. He asked me to be the girlfriend as he thought I was in love and he thinks he owe me to much, not financially.
I was and am still so dumb hoping time will changes everything. I couldn’t get myself out of this now. And I couldn’t tell anyone about this cause i know i would never get supported.
Recently, his rental contract ended and he couldn’t renew it, so he have to look for a new place to stay. For the moment, he is staying with me. We live like husband and wife and life is really sweet and happy. He’s sharing the same thought. But, he couldn’t make up his mind to abandon the so called contract and continue be with me. What he told me is, he still feels the same, not in love with me. He described me as a drug, all you can get is happiness. He mentioned that he wanted to have someone that share the same interest with him. I’m just not the one could do it.
Times never changes anything. He’s just showing his gratitude to me as to be with me for this temporary moment. I could see him taking himself back.
What else i could do? Should I wait for him to change? How could I get myself out of this if this is the only way to solve it.
Thanks for at least read through it… I know I’m just another idiot… I just could help on it…
Sounds like one sided love which is never healthy. You did your best to win this guy over but your efforts must have failed because he said that he isn’t in love with you. I don’t see how you put yourself though this. If someone says that they don’t love you after you have given your all to show that you truly care for them, you need to accept that and move on. You can’t force anyone to love you and you can’t make them change.
Time can change things. Right now he says that you make him happy and you both are living together. Maybe after a while of this he may truly come to care about you and show some love which I hope would happen. Feelings do change. However, this may not be how it ends for you considering what you have told me. All of that is just wishful thinking. Right now you need to be focusing on your life and being happy. Stop crying and destroying yourself over a guy that says he doesn’t love you. Work on yourself and become smarter and much more stronger. Have faith in yourself and bring up your self confidence.
Enjoy yourself and try not to think about this guy too much even if he lives with you. Once you start seeing that you can get better and that you deserve better, you will be better off. Find someone that will love you and make you happy. That whole contract thing is bad and it is more of a problem you have. Deal with reality and stop making excuses to hold on to a guy that doesn’t like you. That may sound harsh but its reality.
Hello, I’m hoping to get some advice about my break up that I’m going through. I met my guy in Alaska and we fell in love instantly. We were madly in love with each other and very very happy. He proposed to me on our 1 yr. anniversary in a cabin on a lake with a ring that he had specially made for me with his own design. It was so sweet and romantic. Tomorrow is our 3 yr. anniversary. I have never loved or been loved like this before. Our love together was almost fairy tale-ish. We have both been in several long term relationships before and both feel that this is the one. We have a very strong relationship. We are very honest with each other. We communicate our wants and needs with each other. We have ultimate trust in one another. All our good friends feel like we are meant for each other. We have been a very solid and secure couple. We have been arguing alot though. Probably for about 5 months now. The arguments are happening more frequently, like twice to three times a week now. And almost all special occasions like weddings and bdays are ending up in a blow out argument. The way we talk to each other during them has turned mean and ugly and angry. There’s lots of blaming and defending ourselves. Very unhealthy arguing. We are both stubborn and passionate people and that definitely comes out in the arguing. He has come close to leaving three times in the last 3 months i would say. But we talk it out and decide to work on our issues and give it another try because we have so much love for each other. Neither of us can picture the other with anyone else. The thought makes us both sick. We had another argument three nights ago. He says it was my fault. I say it was him. It really is both of us not getting along anymore. He left that night and we broke up the next day. He is staying at our friend’s house. He says things aren’t changing. We both don’t want a lifetime of arguing. But we both love and like each other so much. How can this be? Two people that fit so well together, now clashing so much. I can’t imagine my life with anyone else, neither can he. He says his needs aren’t being met though. I don’t think anyone will come closer to meeting them than me. He’s very hard and self righteous. And we both have been under a good deal of stress. We spent a year traveling abroad together and recently resettled in a new city. Lots of money stress. I think he is making a huge mistake letting me go. My friends think I would be happier moving on and seeing where things go in the future. It hurts so bad and I feel sick at the thought of losing him. But I can’t take the blaming and arguing anymore either. He tells me I keep f***ing up and not following through with what I say I’m gonna do. I think he’s not allowing me to make small mistakes because I’m human and they happen. What’s going on?
Hi, my name is jess and I’m 23. Been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He is 29 and still has alot of growing up to do. He still lives with his parents, and his mother does everything for him. He works hard and earns alot of money. He treats me really good and spoils me. We have alot of issues. Mainly because of my family. I love my family and we are a very tight unit. My two older sisters are my best friends and my parents would do anything for us. My partner isn’t a social person neither is his family. And he doesn’t put any effort in to spend time with them. I go to many family events alone and feel single alot more often then I feel like I’m in a relationship. His mother is a very anti social, unemotional woman. Where as my whole life I have been very social and brought up to share my emotions. I’m very emotional and tend to cry at the drop of a hat. My partner and I love each other very much but I want someone who wants me as a whole package, which includes my family. And tired of telling them he is shy. Its been 2 years and sometimes feels like it’s getting worse.
I don’t know whether to bite the bullet and end it. Or give him the benefit of the doubt.
I’ve been head over heals in love with my boyfriend for 14 years. I was 18 and he was 19 when we started working together, and eventually dating. We moved in together by the time I was 21, and we have had a fantastic life. Vacations, work, dogs… LIFE. Like I said, 14 years!
Two years ago, he had an affair. We split for awhile, still agreeing to “be together, but with space.” He has so much guilt, and I am so hurt. He continues to lie to me. Every time I find out, we work on it, he expresses genuine sorrow for what he has done, and real true love for each other.
Recently, I “decided” that I need to end our relationship. The problem is, that is not what I want at all. I want him to stop running. I want him to stop being ashamed. I want MY man back. I want passion and pride and trust. But, its unclear whether he ever will be back to that. He is currently still living with me and our dogs with all of our things until he can find somewhere to go. I could never kick him out. I love him and want to protect him, even though he has done so many wrongs. We are in the most intense limbo. I love him with all of my heart, and he is so sorry for ruining us. Neither of us want us to be over…. But, I think its clear that it should be.
How does anyone end this kind of relationship?
***I do realize that the 14 years without marriage is a red flag on its own, but I don’t think it has any weight in this tough situation.
Im 20 my boyfriend is 22 we have been living together for a year and 3 months we have been dating for 2. recently we have been having alot of troubles. we both work full time he has a fixed schedule and i do not. we fight alot about stupid little things. we are both stressed from work and seem to take it out on each other. this is something that i have been working on however he doesnt seem to care whether he is being an asshole to me. He has this strange need to always be right and it is becoming very frustrating to try and talk to him about our relationship because he is convinced that nothing is really wrong and that i am just being over dramatic. he doesn’t even pay attention to me when i am with him. he is more worried about the tv series he is watching (which has a pause button) then listening to me for 5 minutes. we are also having some troubles in the bedroom. well actually he just always says he is to tired. honestly it just makes me feel like he doesn’t want me anymore. he also never has any follow through, he will tell me yes to something, whether its going out to hang with friends or just getting him to take the garbage out, then he doesnt do it or changes his mind at the last minute. It has become so frustrating and it is making me very hostile towards him so he gets hostile. I have tried talking to him about it i have tried ignoring it i have tried talking to his friends to see if its something i am doing wrong. I love him so much. i gave up almost everything to be with him and now neither of us seem happy. i dont know what else to do.
I just want him to commit. he has never really commited to anything. i am his first long term relationship and honestly the only girl that didnt screw him over in some way. he never finished highschool he doesnt even have any references for his resume because he has either gotten fired or just stopped showing up to his job. this is also the first long term job he has had (year and a half) and he is now considering quitting and finding a new job. To be honest i am at the point where i am expecting him to get sick of me and leave me. i would be devastated. i want to share the rest of my life with him and he tells me that he wants the same but i feel like im going to be let down.
Hey there,
I’m looking for some outside advice on my relationship. I’m 27 years old, I have been dating a 31 year old man for four months now. I have felt doubtful about us “working” since we started, but he’s a really nice, smart guy with a great job and he treats me nicely so I definetly wanted to give it a chance.
I know that one of the top things that causes divorce and problems in relationships is money. And even though this guy has a great career, it seems he’s very…cheap. He bought a fixer-upper of a house that still resembles a college guy’s hang out upstairs, the bathroom is gross, he never makes his bed and always has dryer sheets all over his bedroom floor. He spent money on an expensive grill/smoker, yet he doesn’t have a set of knives for cooking, hasn’t gotten the kitchen sink fixed in the two years that he’s lived there…etc… it’s like this in other respects as well. I actually have to bargain with him or promise him something in order to convince him to go try on a decent pair of jeans that fit him, because he doesn’t spend money on clothes.
Basically, I feel like the guy i’m dating a guy acts like he’s five years old sometimes, and I don’t know if it’s worth trying to deal with it at four months of dating. I care about him, but this is already bothering me and isn’t something I want to develop a serious relationship with. I guess I wish he took appearance into consideration, especially if he plans on dating a woman long term. I don’t think it hurts to try a little more! Do you have any advice?
Thanks,
Not sure girl
My story..I was 14 he was 15 when we started dating. Im now 21 and hes 22. I went to college and he stayed home and we made high school and college relationship work for us for 6 years. I broke up with him back in January because I wanted to focus on myself and him do that same. We didnt set guidelines as to what “breaking up” meant. I started going out with friends and hanging out with different guys, but never more than that with any of them (bc Id still see my ex and what not). We would still see each other when I would come home and then I moved home for the summer. I didnt want to get back together when I came home bc I was still having feelings for someone up at college but I knew it was never going to be anything at all so I let it go.
End of summer comes and I want to be back with my ex..things were going smoothly..I moved back closer to home for my internship and graduation is coming up and I have a job set up close by.
He hadent ask me back out yet..and I was starting to wonder why. *Find out he’s been seeing someone else this whole time! I was hurt, but I felt like I had something now to make me move on from him…
So hes crazy crazy in love with me and says things are over with her and I get mixed feelings all the time. When I see him, it feels like the good ol times, but then as soon as were not together I feel hurt and I just want to run away.
Do I work on the relationship, after everything thats happened..or do I just walk away and hope for the best someday with someone else?
Hi everyone, I have been having a million issues with my boyfriend that I have been dating for over 3 years. I am 21 and he is 23. I moved into an apartment with him about 5 months ago but the problems were still going on before we moved in with each other. I feel like he doesn’t care for me because he can never listen to me when I bring up problems that we are having. He just rolls over in bed and goes to bed. If I ask him to listen to me, he will but wont say a word. He never makes an effort to fix the problems or make conversation. He only wants to talk about stupid things like video games. I have no idea what he does during his days at work or school because when I ask he just says it was fine.
I just wish he would communicate with me more. I could really use some help. He tends to make me cry a lot and never does anything to make me feel better. I could sit in bed crying and he wont even hug me to make me feel better.
I’ve been married since 3 years & has a little kid , it was a traditional marriage & knew each other through family, he was a nice caring decent kind man & at that time I was having hard time with someone I loved & unfortunately still love. I knew him for 3 years also & was an interrupted relationship he was always afraid of commitment we break & return back 100 times till was last time that I decided to escape from that dilemma with that good person I met, we got married & left to another country & there started our life & discovered how different we were & how that created endless fights that turned me completely off , after admitting that I can’t take this life anymore, my husband suggested to start over again for. Our sake & our child’s too, I agreed he’s doing his best actually but I can’t, all I’m thinking of is my ex & that is 24 hours a day for 2 years now, it’s killing me really & feel guilty about it, wanna take the divorce step but afraid of ruining my husband’s & kid’s lives
is it a proper step to take?